This just in....
The Eagles have traded up in an effort to sign Gorman Hatchensack, a two-fingured tight end from West Central Eastern South Dakota Tech who beat Philadelphia head coach Nick Sirianni 4 out of 7 games of rock-paper-scissors.
Sirianni praised the pick. “Any guy with the guts to pick scissors 7 straight times has what it takes to be on my team any day”