Fedya's Mom, 1942-2015

Sorry for your loss Fedya.

 

I think your mother's fate is what most people dread the most...to lose one's wits in their later years. It's probably even more dreadful for people like you that have to bear witness to a loved one going through it, however.

 

Hang in there.

Likewise, my condolences.  My mom suffered a serious  stroke 5 years ago and it changes  personalities  without  a doubt. 

 

She's  a lot happier  now I am sure.  Keep celebrating the good times, they can never be taken away!

 

The man who taught me never to hit a woman has tried to box mom a couple of times.  He is barely the same man who raised me anymore.

As I implied in my original post, if there were going to be any physical violence in my parents' relationship, it would have been mom hitting dad.  Mom would take her cane and pound it against the wall, she'd punch doors and stuff, and I have a feeling the broken foot she suffered back in 2006 (before she was diagnosed with Alzheimers) was as a result of kicking something or other during one of her screaming fits.  It was only late in the game that Dad ever tried physically restraining Mom from hitting anybody, even herself, and of course she started screaming about calling 911, which was the incident that I mentioned and one of the few times I blew my stack at them.

There was one other time about a year ago when Mom couldn't find her glasses and I sighed at the implicatoin of what her not being able to find her glasses implied, and she picked up on that and started having another screaming fit.  I finally lost it and told her I was sick and tired of her [long string of expletives] screaming fits.  That sure woke Dad of.

Oh, that was another of the difficulties.  I would always be the first to wake up and for a long time Mom and Dad slept in separate rooms, and it got to the point where I was afraid to get out of the bedroom first thing in the morning because I didn't want to wake Mom up and have to deal with her while Dad was still asleep.  Like I said, she got to the point where she was a terrible handful for any one person to try to deal with.

I'm sorry for your loss, Fedya.  Like others have said, take solace knowing her suffering is over. 

Sorry for your loss. Sounds like you have been going through for a while now. Stay strong man.

Fedya - you have my sympathy and prayers.

 

When my parents both passed away 2 months apart some years ago, they both had good brains.  They could argue anything with the best of them.  But that didn't make it easy to care for them.  My dad didn't want to go the nursing home, but when he got weaker and had trouble standing he had no choice - but he wasn't happy about it and let us know it.  As difficult as it was I can't imagine what it would have been like if dementia had entered the picture.  You are a real trooper. 

My condolences on the loss of your mother, Fedya.

 

And sorry to hear about the hell you all, not the least being your Mom, have been going through.  I hope you can find peace.

Fedya, my condolences. Going through something similar now with my 95 year old Father inlaw that has lived with us for the past eight years. We lock our doors to our room every night because he is liable to come walzing  thinking we are there to take his razor and his comp and stab us to death.  I complain daily to myself and my wife but after reading your posts I feel bad for having been complaining. You have had to deal with so much more and I am sorry for the pain. 

Condolences Fedya. This place can be cathartic.

Condolences.

My condolences Fedya.  Thanks for opening up and sharing.  My brother has similar stories about his mother in law, but without the violence.

Prayers and  condolences from the ammo household. Thankfully we have little of these type of problems in our family.   Way way to much cancer tho. 

Fedya, my sincere condolences.  Thank you for sharing what you have with us.  My heart and best wishes go out to you and your family. 

Very sorry to hear the news.  Remember the good times.  

Very sorry to hear of your loss.  God speed to your mother and prayers for you and the rest of your family.  Take care. 

Sorry to hear about your loss. Had an aunt that suffered from Alzheimer's and I don't think my uncle ever fully recovered from watching her deteriorate.

We buried Mom today.

It was tough for a bunch of reasons, in no small part because all of the difficulties of the past six years are things that you really can't talk about to the assembled friends and family at a funeral.  I'm no better than my siblings just because i wound up helping Dad the way I did, especially because I can't help but think there were so many times where I probably should have been able to do more.  I, more than my dad, had the sense of knowing that Mom was about ot have another of her fits of temper, but my response was more often fear than a resolve to do anything to mollify it, instead leaving Dad to deal with it.  Granted, for a long time, Mom still had the ability to act radically differently around outsiders than around the rest of the family, but by the end she was getting angry at and directing screaming fits toward the pets she otherwise would have loved.

Taking leave of Mom in her coffin at the funeral home was tougher than I thought it was going to be, but seeing Dad have to do it after 50 years of marriage was even more heart-breaking. 

In many ways, it's a relief that everything -- not just Mom's Alzheimer's disease, but the whole funeral -- is over and done with.  But now, it's all beginning to hit like a ton of bricks.  The funeral director took a photo of the whole family yesterday, and I look awful.  They say that Alzheimer's does a number on the health of caretakers as well, and although I've been feeling though I've put on weight the past couple of years, I look much more heavyset in the photo than I thought I did.  And more immediately, I woke up at 3:00 this morning and wasn't able to get bck to sleep.

I'd like to thank Boris again for giving me the opportunity to vent here, because I really needed it, especially when Mom first died.  I'd also like to thank all of you again for your condolences.  Finally, I'd like to extend special sympathy to those of you who posted here that you're also dealing with a loved one suffering from Alzheimer's.

We all deal with death differently.

 

In my family, it's laughter. We all shared stories of our beloved "Bevo" at her funeral and spent more time laughing than crying.

 

It's worth a try. Hey, remember the time we all wore those ugly sweaters?:

 

 

 

You may be pleased to know that after the visiting hours on Sunday, we went out to dinner at a place called Frank Guido's Little Italy.  You can't get more Italian than that.

(I'm sure BK is going to respond with "Hateful".)

But when I ordered the pasta on the side with garlic and olive oil, they didn't drown the pasta, unlike every other restaurant does with their pasta and sauces. 

Lovely. 

Sorry to hear about your mom Fedya.

My condolences Fedya. Alzheimers is so difficult on family, and I hope uou soon find solace. I recently watched a documentary entitled "Alive Inside". It's an interesting study on the use of music to treat dementia, Fascinating alternative to drugs.

A Song For Kathleen

The download is a 36 MB file and runs about 40 minutes.

My condolences to you and your family, Fedya. I've seen the effects of Alzheimer's in friend's families and the in-law families, thankfully not in mine. So much to deal with, I'm sure everyone could write a book about their experiences. Healing will take time. Take care.

QO

Wow Fedya.  Thanks for sharing, and my condolences.  My mom also passed away this week, and as I started to read your story I saw a lot of similarities.  She was diagnosed with corticobasal degeneration, a form of frontal temporal dementia twelve years ago.  During that time I have seen her lose her ability to speak, leaving her only form of communication being the nodding or shaking of her head.  Slowly, she lost that ability as well, followed by her physical abilities to feed herself, bathe herself, and eventually her ability to walk.  To watch your mother (a person who never lost a game of trivial pursuit) struggle to say the word "yes" is truly a gut wrenching experience.  My dad cared for her throughout, and they fell just months short of celebrating their 50th anniversary.  

 

One of the things that I have taken from the whole ordeal is just how cruel and relatively unknown mental diseases are.  Hopefully our ordeals can help to bring some of these diseases out a little bit, and increase awareness.