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Back in 2008 when Times4 had more of a internet magazine feel, I would write picks for each weeks games. So since I am running out of things to do each day, today I was clearing out some old files on my computer and I came across the saved copies of all these picks. Well, if NBCsports or whoever can replay games, I thought I would post one of the weeks picks. It's fun trying to remember the reason behind some of the jokes....I'm pretty sure being funny wasn't one of them.



2008 Week 3 Picks

So Week 3 in the NFL is here…..and with it some more of my weekly picks. Its been called to my attention that some of you believe these picks to be actual NFL picks. I can guarantee you that every wrong pick here is done completely in jest. The right ones, yeah, I was serious about those.

Week 2 Results:10-6 (if I count the postponed game as a win…and I will)
Season Total: 20-12

Week 3 Picks

Oakland Raiders at Buffalo Bills 12:00
Bills 23 Raiders 17: After the game Al Davis fires newly hired head coach William Shattner. Davis explained the firing by saying “He’s not the guy I thought I hired…I thought he was a star ship captain or a free spirited cop, turned out he was just a shill for internet hotel deals.”

Kansas City Chiefs at Atlanta Falcons 12:00
Falcons 30 Chiefs 14: Chief running back Larry Johnson is very upset after a Chief assistant coach uses a two-by-four to trap him in a bathroom stall during half-time of the game.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers at Chicago Bears 12:00
Bears 19 Buccaneers 13: The on-going feud between Jeff Garcia and Jon Gruden (as I predicted in my week 1 prognostications) hits a new level in this game. When starting QB Brian Griese is injured and Garcia is inserted into the game he uses some new cadences and audibles such as “My wife is hotter than yours-52” or “My coach looks like a evil doll – 88” and “Hey Bears I’m supposed to throw a slant on this play-54”.

Carolina Panthers at Minnesota Vikings 12:00
Panthers 21 Vikings 12: During the game most of the young boys in attendance (many of them wearing horned helmets) spend most of their time staring at or pointing at the Panther’s number 17. They look to their dads in bewilderment and ask “What is that, Dad?”….”That my son, is an NFL quarterback.”…”Wow, I’ve never seen one of those before.”

Miami Dolphins at New England Patriots 12:00
Patriots 27 Dolphins 3: The Patriots win this game by kidnapping a number of the Dolphin players and hypnotizing them to make a bad play whenever they here the words “Hut Hut”. A very good plan and the real funny part is that the Patriots will never know that the hypnotism never took and the Dolphin players were making bad plays all on their own.

Cincinnati Bengals at N.Y. Giants 12:00
Giants 43 Bengals 8: Ironically, the tires fall off of Marvin Lewis’ car on the way home.

Houston Texans at Tennessee Titans 12:00
Texans 23 Titans 0: It was a really nice gesture….but Jeff Fischer’s game plan of having everyone on the team go over and hug Vince Young after every play leads to multiple delay of game penalties and an outbreak of a strange rash throughout the team.

Arizona Cardinals at Washington Redskins 12:00
Redskins 21 Cardinals 17: ‘skin’s Tight-end Chris Cooley catches 2 touchdowns and in one goal-line situation steps in at quarterback and scores on a naked bootleg as he streaks around the end.

Detroit Lions at San Francisco 49ers 3:05
49ers 24 Lions 14: In a bold move, in the locker room prior to the start of the game, Jon Kitna of the Lions predicts he will throw 5 TD passes in the game. In a not so bold move, Lion coach Rod Marinelli asks “to which team?”

St. Louis Rams at Seattle Seahawks 3:05
Seahawks 43 Rams 17: Despite the lopsided loss the Rams have a good day after coach Linehan announces during halftime that if nobody cries or quits trying in the 2nd half they will stop at McDonalds for ice cream cones on the way home.

New Orleans Saints at Denver Broncos 3:05
Broncos 28 Saints 17: In an unprecedented move the NFL announces that they will give the Broncos at 7-0 lead before the opening kickoff. The league explains that it is just easier to do it that way than to go through the whole inadvertent whistle/incomplete pass scenario that they used in week 2. In a related story, head official Ed Hochuli admitted the reason he missed that call last week was that he wasn’t really watching, he was too busy asking one of the sideline reporters if they wanted tickets to the gun show.

Jacksonville Jaguars at Indianapolis Colts 3:15
Colts 28 Jaguars 24: Both teams continually throw hail Mary passes on 4th and long. Not so much for stategy, but just to bug John Madden.

Pittsburgh Steelers at Philadelphia Eagles 3:15
Steelers 13 Eagles 10: Anyone else notice that it seems like the Steelers are always involved in the weird/bad weather games. This week is no exception as a plague of locust descends on the field and greatly inhibits the play. Steelers win on a late touchdown by Santonio Holmes. Asante Samual of the Eagles has coverage on the play and avoids an interference penalty by looking back at the pass…unfortunately he is then turned into a pillar of salt allowing Holmes to make the catch.

Cleveland Browns at Baltimore Ravens 3:15
Ravens 20 Browns 16: Browns coach Romeo Crennel blames this week’s loss on a lack of concentration by his team. He says the major distraction the team faced this week was that Bill Gates and Jerry Seinfeld spent the week at the Browns’ facilities.

Dallas Cowboys at Green Bay Packers 7:15
Cowboys 58 Packers 57: In one of the classic games of all time the Cowboys pull off the win when, on the final play of the game, Ryan Grant has a clear path the end-zone but trips over Mark Tauscher’s thick ankles and falls to the turf at the 1 yard line. Earlier in the game, Al Harris intercepts a Tony Romo pass in the center of the field and returns it 35 yards to the Cowboy 20…only to have the officials rule it a catch by Terrell Owens and a TD for the Cowboys.

N.Y. Jets at San Diego Chargers Monday 7:30
Chargers 24 Jets 21: The most interesting thing about this game is not the game itself, but the fact that during the game broadcast Tony Kornheiser literally hangs out of the both holding a “I LOVE BRETT FAVRE” sign. Kornheiser and John Madden are later seen arguing over Brett in the hallway between classes. On Tuesday of next week, someone mysteriously lets the air out of Madden’s bus tires and on Wednesday someone cuts off Kornheiser’s comb-over while he is sleeping. Stay tuned for more details.

Well, there they are. Let me know where I can pick up my Pulitzer.

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justanotherpackerfan posted:

 

 

 

Carolina Panthers at Minnesota Vikings 12:00
Panthers 21 Vikings 12: During the game most of the young boys in attendance (many of them wearing horned helmets) spend most of their time staring at or pointing at the Panther’s number 17. They look to their dads in bewilderment and ask “What is that, Dad?”….”That my son, is an NFL quarterback.”…”Wow, I’ve never seen one of those before.”

 

And yet still true today. 

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