@Pakrz posted:Just had my first colonoscopy a month or so ago. All clear... the process isn’t nearly as bad as some make it out to be.
You requested the kids colonoscopy didn't you. Where the scope has a little clown head on it, your choice of bubblegum or root beer scent and you can watch Bob the Builder cartoons.
"Ooo, here comes the clown! Where'd it go?! Oh, there he is. Where'd it go again?!"
Pakrz: "Do it again! Do it again! WEEEEE!!"
Worst part of the whole procedure was drinking the fluid that purges your colon. Once you start drinking the fluid, if you think you are going to fart, you'd better be sitting on the toilet! The scoping is not bad, as you are put under for most of it. Just make sure you have someone to drive you home, afterwards, as the anesthetic they give you makes you woozy and unable to drive a car, or operate any kind of machinery, for that matter. Passing gas, afterwards, is definitely a good thing.
We could all use a laugh around this joint lately. Since were on the subject, this is simply hilarious:
@Pakrz posted:Just had my first colonoscopy a month or so ago. All clear... the process isn’t nearly as bad as some make it out to be.
I've had 3. The worst part is the prep, drinking a gallon of Draino and staying up all night is not fun, but the Propofol during the procedure is a treat!
@bvan posted:I've had 3. The worst part is the prep, drinking a gallon of Draino and staying up all night is not fun, but the Propofol during the procedure is a treat!
Same experience after my first one.
I do like the 4-hour nap that I get after this or after my endoscopies. The twilight puts me out for half a day.
All 3 times I woke up feeling like I had slept a full night and was ready to hit the ground running.
So how did a thread about Boris coming back turn into a topic about colonoscopies anyway?
I don't know... he's not an asshole... 
Yep. Just had my 3rd one. Dad had colon cancer at 50, so got an early start.
All three I was awake as they wheel me out of the "camera room" and I'm ready to roll. Pisses my wife off to no end. She had her's it took forever for her to get lucid (yeah, joke in there somewhere).
I told her the Doc came in a couple times and put a mirror under her nose to see if she was still breathing.
Worse part is the not eating the day before. Best part is eating like a pig after it's done. My usual is two orders of chicken gizzards from Randy's.
Bill Connolly's Colonoscopy experience is right on.
I've had 2 so far, decent results, but still need to get one every so often. That gallon of liquid is better if kept very cold in the fridge. I never had to stay up all night though. Instructions said start drinking the liquid earlier in the day until gone and by early evening your passing it quite frequently. Eventually its out of your system before too late. Just cant eat or drink anything after until the procedure is performed.
BTW, there is an alternative to drinking that gallon of liquid. It's way much less to drink. Problem is most insurance plans do not cover that alternative. But it is an option if your Doctor agrees and you want to pay full price for it. I asked the pharmacist about the cost of that alternative a year or so ago and he thought it would be something like $75-$80 (could be rong though).
I had that for the first one, I also seem to remember that it supposedly doesn't do as good of job of cleaning the pipes out.
My prep was only 64 oz starting at 6 pm night before (8 oz every 15 minutes for 4 cycles), then repeating in the morning so my last one was at least 2 hours before my report time.
Wasn't bad, and as stated, colder the better. Tasted like lemon alka seltzer.
As long as we are down there....ever had prostrate biopsy’s? The liquid in that case is not a gallon and not taken orally. It is more like a cup and taken in the ever popular enema. Oh, and they stick what feels like a Louisville Slugger up the poop chute and take 12 to 15 snips out of the prostrate. Each snip feels like a rubber band snapping you in a delicate area.
And lest I forget....no knockout drug is given.
Hope none of you lads need it, but if you do.....enjoy.
I have my 3rd coming up.
Haven't had the prostrate biopsy, but I did have a Green Laser TURP.
They go in through the penis with a laser/camera rig and blast tissue from the inside of the prostrate. In the follow up with the Doc I told him he had turned back the clock 30 yrs and if I was still in WI I could write my name in the snow!
(in cursive)
Man, getting into my wheelhouse now.
Heart attacks, stents, and colonoscopies, among other ailments. Aging sucks.
A story of getting a colonoscopy by Dave Barry:
Nobody tells it better
I send my lawn guy to have my colonoscopies.
Am I a bad person?
Do you make him pay for it too?
He's illegal.
So it's free.
It's a joke people, it's a joke.
@YooperPackfan posted:So how did a thread about Boris coming back turn into a topic about colonoscopies anyway?
Mea culpa. 
@Boris posted:When I was a kid, I used to dream/fantasize about owning a Lamborghini. A couple years ago I had the option to get one. Instead, I bought a more environmentally friendly vehicle.
Now, the new dream/fantasy is.....
I want Mark Murphy's job. Serious as a heart attack boys & girls.
Now I just need to figure out how I can make that happen.
Boris: In my youth I managed a club in Europe and one of my employees was a slinky blonde - hotter than a billy goat with two penis' and I endlessly fascinated about having sex acts with her that were probably only legal in Asia. This went on for a few months until I realized she consumed enough cocaine to qualify for a cartel discount and so I put away my fantasy and rejoined reality. I suspect your desire for Gutes' job probably falls into this same category but wish you well and hope you get it!
@Pack88 posted:Boris: In my youth I managed a club in Europe and one of my employees was a slinky blonde - hotter than a billy goat with two penis' and I endlessly fascinated about having sex acts with her that were probably only legal in Asia. This went on for a few months until I realized she consumed enough cocaine to qualify for a cartel discount and so I put away my fantasy and rejoined reality. I suspect your desire for Gutes' job probably falls into this same category but wish you well and hope you get it!
Oh ye of little faith. Tsk tsk....Cool story though bro
@Pack88 posted:Boris: In my youth I managed a club in Europe and one of my employees was a slinky blonde - hotter than a billy goat with two penis' and I endlessly fascinated about having sex acts with her that were probably only legal in Asia. This went on for a few months until I realized she consumed enough cocaine to qualify for a cartel discount and so I put away my fantasy and rejoined reality. I suspect your desire for Gutes' job probably falls into this same category but wish you well and hope you get it!
And you have regretted ever since.
@Boris posted:Oh ye of little faith. Tsk tsk....Cool story though bro
Not little faith but like the dog chasing a truck- what do you do when you have it caught! I sometimes think Gute goes home at night and wonders WTF was he thinking- no pile of cabbage could be worth this! The BOD is spineless and the fans unforgiving and having Cpt Prissypants as your QB. Christ it must be like managing Boy George and his band!!
@Blair Kiel posted:I send my lawn guy to have my colonoscopies.
Am I a bad person?
@Blair Kiel posted:He's illegal.
So it's free.
It's a joke people, it's a joke.
Well, you dodged the solicitation charge.
@Pack88 posted:Not little faith but like the dog chasing a truck- what do you do when you have it caught! I sometimes think Gute goes home at night and wonders WTF was he thinking- no pile of cabbage could be worth this! The BOD is spineless and the fans unforgiving and having Cpt Prissypants as your QB. Christ it must be like managing Boy George!!
I'm sure he'll look good as a tough guy with a 6-11 record.
I just want to know when you are handing the keys back to Scoop where they belong?
@PackerHawk posted:I just want to know when you are handing the keys back to Scoop where they belong?
Apparently, you haven't received your tetanus shot?
