Royal Wulff's History of the NFL--abridged version
The National Football league, or NFL, was created by Vince Lombardi and George Halas. During a night on the town Lombardi and Halas got into an arm wrestling match. The match went on a full 12 hours. Spectators watched with amazement as the two combatants went after each other. The placed wagers on who would win and who would lose.
In the end it was Lombardi who won, so Halas said, "let's start a football league, and since you won the match, we'll name the trophy after you."
The first star wide receiver was Don Hutson. He practically invented the art of being a wide receiver. His qb was Cecil Isbell. Kind of a gay last name, I admit.
In 1942, despite an 11 game season, Hutson recorded 1,211 yards and 17 touchdown passes from Isbell. This despite the fact that during two games the Nazi's were dive bombing the stadium--remember, World War 2 was in season as well. Nothing could stop Hutson, not even bullets.
He caught 5 TD's against Chicago that year, which remains tied within the franchise for the most TD's in a single game for one receiver. George Halas was so upset he peed his pants.
In one game, Isbell was supposed to fake a handoff to his running back and then throw the ball to Hutson. But the running back got stuck to the ball, so Isbell ended up throwing both the ball AND the running back to the streaking Hutson. Despite the odds, Hutson somehow caught both and crossed the goal line! The referees were stunned, and looked at the rule book. Not knowing how to score it, they decided that since 2 Packers had taken the ball across the goal line, they had scored 2 touchdowns and were awarded 12 points!
The Packers won 3 consecutive championships from 1929-1931. So there.
Vince Lombardi's Packers won 3 consecutive championships as well, and 5 championships in all, including Super Bowls 1 and 2. As for why the games
were named the "Super Bowl," the story goes like this. John Madden of the AFC's Oakland Raiders (the guy who sounds a lot like comedian Frank Caliendo), called Lombardi on the phone. He said, "how about we play a game between the NFL champs and the AFC champs?" Vince replied, "sounds like a good idea, a really super idea." Madden said, "and that's what we can call it--the Super Bowl!"
Sometime during the sixties a franchise was created in Minnesota, home of
the Eskimos, many of whom lived in igloos. They were pretty much for crap most of the time. But they did have a few years with a great scrambling qb named Fran Tarkenton. Kind of a gay name, isn't it? What were his parents thinking? That he was going to be a girl?
And they had a really good defensive line. They went to 4 Super Bowls. Yep, they stunk up the joint and lost EVERY TIME!
For about 30 years the NFL wasn't very exciting. Then in the 90's, Ron Wolf hired Mike Holmgren. Holmgren kidnapped Reggie White from Philadelphia and brought him to Green Bay, saying, "God made me do it!"
Reggie bought it! He was incredible, and we miss him, we really do. God bless you, Reggie! You died much too young.
Then Ron Wolf called the Atlantic Falcons. Through pure chicanery, he tricked the Falcons into putting Brett Favre on a bus to Green Bay. When the Falcon's coach, Elvis Presley, woke up the next day with a hangover and realized what had happened he was furious!
Favre brought the Lombardi trophy back to Green Bay in the 1996 season. They made it to 3 consecutive NFC championship games, winning two of them. The majority of people in my house consider the Super Bowl win over the New English Patriots to be the great Super Bowl of all time!
Waiting on bench behind Brett Favre was a kid named Aaron Rodgers. He had grown up in nearby Appleton, and worshipped the Packers. It had been a dream to play for them. One day he went to Mike Holmgren's house to try to get a tryout. Holmgren said, "I coach in Seattle now."
Rodgers was disappointed, but never gave up. After he married Mike McCarthy's beautiful daughter, Matilda, he got his chance. He said, "watch this, Coach," and threw a beautiful spiral that went over the top of Lambeau field, out toward Door County, and landed with a clean "swish" through a
basketball hoop.
McCarthy was amazed. That very afternoon, McCarthy sent Favre packing. He signed Rodgers for the rookie minimum of $8.50 per hour.
Rodgers went on to become the all-time leading NFL passer in passer rating and other junk. He wasn't just good; he was scary-good!
Then came 2010. One injury after another hit the Packers. Ptomaine poisoning. Crippling Ileitis. The mange. Dandruff. Once a few Packers were accidently super-glued together and simply couldn't play because they couldn't break the bond by game time.
Yet somehow the Pack made it to the playoffs, but just barely. They had to go through the wild card round as the 6th seed. It was a hard road to take, having to play on the road to get through the playoffs. They ate at many greasy diners. Not all cities have good food like they do at Applebees in Green Bay!
Despite the odds, the Packers made it to the big game. They would play the Piggsburgh Steelers, so named because their shoulder pads and cups were made of steel. Just tackling them was painful.
The Packers started out playing great. This was looking good. But then before halftime, Donald Driver was hurt. We had lost our most experienced wide receiver. Even worse, right after that Charles Woodson broke his collarbone. His loss was very worrisome, as he was not only a great player (and former inventor of the Heisman Trophy), but a strong locker room leader.
The 2nd half made Packer fans nervous. Piggsburgh started coming back. Woodson's loss was being felt. But Rodgers made some incredible laser-like throws to Jennings, and the Pack was back on top.
However, Piggsburgh got the ball back with time running out down by less than a touchdown. Their quarterback, sex pervert Ben Rothlessburger, tried to be a hero. But he was no Brett Favre. Nor was he Reggie White. Nor was he Bart Starr or Aaron Rodgers. His last pass was tipped out of the receiver's hands, and the Packers had once again won a Super Bowl!
Those are the highlights of the NFL up to now. We all look forward to more great moments so that I can write volume 2 of the league's history.
