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Goaline all draft picks need a bio:
Goaliine
Position: Bench warmer
Age 44
Height 5’ 10”
Weight A lot
Speed Slow
Positives: Great at keeping splinters off the bench. Keeps Offensive players on the field because they hate the aroma he gives off. On the other hand defensive players tend to generate turnover so they can get back to the bench to shot the breeze with him.
Negatives: Kworst describes him as not a NFL quality bench warmer.
Project round: First: #1 overall.
Agent Turnip blood


Mel Kiper ain't got nothing on you, Turnip.

Boris, see you at next year's draft. No doubt, the league will send me to New York for the draft. They send all the top picks. Too late to apply this year, of course. You knew that, right?
He's not fat, he's got a good anchor.

He's not short, he's got a low center of gravity.

He's not old, he just took advantage of all his eligibility to improve before going pro.

He can't bench press 225#, he has functional strength.

He's been training with Esera Tuaolo to prepare for the draft.

He doesn't hold to keep from getting beat, he mirrors well with good hand placement.

He's not slow getting out of his stance, he's maintaining good pad level.

Rex Ryan even says "He's not slow, he's ... aw hell, he's totally ****in' slower'nasomebichgawddamnitalltohellmotherloadin@%$$#$#%*$@%$@%$*%@$*@$truckmuncher"
Goalline, you could be the next "Mojo".

Anyone old enough to remember the guy with the Houston Oilers who would run out on the field after kickoffs, grab the tee and run off the field and do a flip?
quote:
Originally posted by Goalline:
I'm 44, fat, can't run anymore, my knees are shot and I am only 5ft 10. BUT I am BLACK. Anyone know how I can enter my name. Thanks in advance.


Can you throw a nerf into a bucket?
quote:
Originally posted by Goalline:
I'm 44, fat, can't run anymore, my knees are shot and I am only 5ft 10. BUT I am BLACK. Anyone know how I can enter my name. Thanks in advance.


I'm 50, I'm only 5 ft 7 150 lbs. I can actually run long distances but I lack burst. I am of Polish decent. I think I'm gonna enter the MSL draft.
quote:
Originally posted by derps:
quote:
Originally posted by Goalline:
I'm 44, fat, can't run anymore, my knees are shot and I am only 5ft 10. BUT I am BLACK. Anyone know how I can enter my name. Thanks in advance.


Can you throw a nerf into a bucket?


From 10 paces. I'm no soccer sissy like JAPF.
As Goaline's self-appointed agent I am putting together Goaline's pro day activities. As it looks now Goaline's pro day will be held April 29th At the North Carolina Schools of the Arts, the Fighting Pickle.
So far we have scheduled the 5 foot dash.
The 6 pack press (brand of beer yet to be determined)
10 foot nerf football throw into a wading pool.
Blocking drill (need suggestions for a sparring partner, we might not be able to get Jenna Talackova).
The horizontal jump.
The no cone drill
8 inch shuffle
The 4 hour straight sitting drill, while drinking one Schlitz beer ever 15 minutes
And the 100 yard drunken barfing stagger.

We are inviting Skip Bayless to moderate the event.
Last edited by turnip blood
quote:
Originally posted by justanotherpackerfan:

I'm 50, I'm only 5 ft 7 150 lbs. I can actually run long distances but I lack burst. I am of Polish decent. I think I'm gonna enter the MSL draft.


Pretty sure you meant "MLS".

Hater.
It could be sponsored by one of those vitamin-enriched soft drink companies who could give away a copuple of allexpense paid trips to watch the workout. Just picture it:

You could win a Fanta-C weekend with Goalline.
quote:
Originally posted by Blair Kiel:
quote:
Originally posted by justanotherpackerfan:

I'm 50, I'm only 5 ft 7 150 lbs. I can actually run long distances but I lack burst. I am of Polish decent. I think I'm gonna enter the MSL draft.


Pretty sure you meant "MLS".

Hater.


What Menomonie doesn't have a soccer league?
quote:
Originally posted by turnip blood:
As Goaline's self-appointed agent I am putting together Goaline's pro day activities. As it looks now Goaline's pro day will be held April 29th At the North Carolina Schools of the Arts, the Fighting Pickle.
So far we have scheduled the 5 foot dash.
The 6 pack press (brand of beer yet to be determined)
10 foot nerf football throw into a wading pool.
Blocking drill (need suggestions for a sparring partner, we might not be able to get Jenna Talackova).
The horizontal jump.
The no cone drill
8 inch shuffle
The 4 hour straight sitting drill, while drinking one Schlitz beer ever 15 minutes
And the 100 yard drunken barfing stagger.

We are inviting Skip Bayless to moderate the event.


I am already tired. All those pickles I've been fighting.
quote:
Originally posted by Goalline:
I'm 44, fat, can't run anymore, my knees are shot and I am only 5ft 10. BUT I am BLACK. Anyone know how I can enter my name. Thanks in advance.


If Luck and RGIII weren't locks for 1-2, Spielman would consider moving up to take you. He still might.
quote:
Originally posted by Goalline:
Are you kidding me. Water Boys have to carry those giants tubs of drinks. You have an over-inflated opinion of my abilities, don't you? Oops, wrong thread.

I think your up (or down - depending on your point of view) to the task. Just design a tube fed plug-in system and connect it to the stadium water system. No tubs of water to haul around. No heavy lifting. If fact you could reduce the job to facilitating "tube management". Then as part of the team food supply system, you could add "tube steaks" for an in-game nutritional pick-up. Just think, grilling on the sidelines - a concept pioneered by Ezra Johnson. The possibilities are endless .......

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