quote:Originally posted by bubbleboy789:
I'm not gay.
Bromo.
quote:(6/06/2013 05:24:00 PM) - Al
The Rambling wife, in all seriousness, suggests I go get a new tank of gas for the grill. She knows I have, at minimum, a pulled/torn muscle in my side that aches as I sit on the sofa.
Yes dear, nothing better for that than lifting and carrying heavy objects.
Surprised she didn't suggest I go out and lift some manhole covers over my head...just because.
By the way, apparently I have no medical professionals that want to give unpaid advice. I will admit, Aleve has done a fine job masking the pain today.
Stupid women. They don't realize that an undiagnosed injury that comes from sitting can only be healed by, you know, sitting.
I'm off to try to lower my cancer risk with a new treatment - smoking an entire carton of cigarettes in one sitting. I bet my stupid wife will ask me to run a marathon while I'm doing it.
I'm no medical professional. But my unpaid advice if I was one would be, "get off your fat ass and lift more heavy things... regularly"
This one is actually better than the original barstool post.
This one is actually better than the original barstool post.
I'm no Dr. Bob...
Melt one stick of butter in a microwave safe bowl. Mix in 1 cup lemon bar mix until it forms a paste. Rub paste all over the affected area and cover with the constitution and duct tape.
Things should be better by the morning.
Melt one stick of butter in a microwave safe bowl. Mix in 1 cup lemon bar mix until it forms a paste. Rub paste all over the affected area and cover with the constitution and duct tape.
Things should be better by the morning.
Does Aleve mask cardiac arrest?
Sounds like the Rambling Hernia is causing some marital trouble. He needs to send the Rambling Wife on a vacation while he, the Rambling Son, and the Rambling Dog hit up the buffet and sooth his injury with comfort food.
quote:By the way, apparently I have no medical professionals that want to give unpaid advice.
Is he saying he wants someone to provide him healthcare for no/minimal costs?
Well, that seems right in line with the rest of his ramblings.
/wait, what?
Al's defense of all things Hooters really is inspiring. Sure, the food may be absolutely terrible and wildly overpriced, the beer may be outrageously expensive and the whole shtick may be tired and played, but dammit, if you don't like Hooters the terrorists win!
It's good to see Al getting back to societal derp. He's been way off lately.
quote:(6/20/2013 03:00:00 PM) - Al
Hooters redesigns itself.
Some people don't like Hooters, but for the most part, they're people that don't like anything, and in most cases, it's mock outrage by those who despise freedom. Some people don't stand up for God Bless America, some people don't believe in the free market.
I certainly have nothing against any business that follows the law and provides jobs. If you choose not to go there because you dislike tank tops and athletic shorts, so be it.
It's good to see Al getting back to societal derp. He's been way off lately.
quote:Originally posted by ChilliJon:
Does Aleve mask cardiac arrest?
James Gandolfini says no.
quote:Originally posted by al:
When it exploded, the Rambling wife said, "Ahh" and dropped the handle. This is how we handled it.
Rambling son: (after audible sigh) What did you drop now?
Me: Good thing you weren't injured. You would have to drive yourself to the ER, as we're enjoying the Duggars special on TLC. My enjoyment would have been affected by having to answer the phone with your constant medical updates.
There's no babying going on in the Ramblings' household...
not like she might have hurt herself sitting in a chair or anything
This flaming pile of stupidity is great because it encompasses so many things that Al is terrified of hates:
1. Overpriced commie grocery stores
2. Overpriced lotions that only pussies and old dogs use
3. Women
4. Women who have some intelligence
5. Skinny people
6. College-aged (dash included even though Al hates the dash) women
7. Whores and generally seductive temptresses
8. College
That'll teach him to venture to any place other than Wal-Mart.
Just take a few minutes to appreciate the life coach's latest societal post for all of its derp:
I stopped in at the Evil Empire yesterday, and had to pick up some 100% aloe vera gel for the Rambling dog's "hot spots," and various minor skin ailments common to the older cocker spaniel. Looking for 100% aloe on an entire side of an aisle of lotions, creams, ointments, emollients, and moisturizers is, at best, a needle in a haystack moment.
What made it worse, you ask? The fact is, I was alone in the aisle, except for every minute or so, a woman about my age and her college aged daughter would come in and discuss the pros and cons of skin care products. At some point, as I gazed unendingly for that elusive one product, the same thing would happen...eventually, they would walk in front of me, and the old broad mom would glance quickly at me and mutter a quick "scuse me," while the daughter, wearing the uniform of her age group, a tank top and short shorts, would prove to be unable to "shut it off" even when talking to an old fat guy like myself, would shoot me a seductive glance and whisper, "Pardon me," (emphasis on me) while shooting me a smile as if I was half my age with $20's hanging out of my pants pockets.
Despite looking for a green gel, I finally ran across it, as this brand was clear. I left with my soothing pooch skin coolant and the knowledge that if you send your son away to college, he doesn't stand a chance.
Al is starting to creep me out. I have no idea what's on his hard drive but my best guess would be 15-20 years.
I must be worse than Al.
I would've been looking in the pet department for a product that would be used on a pet. Unless, of course, a vet recommended a specific product that would be found with other 'health and beauty aids'. "100% aloe vera" is not very specific.
I don't go to those aisles very often myself, but perhaps I should. You know, where young temptresses troll for middle-aged, balding, overweight men.
I'm surprised he didn't fall on her!
Originally Posted by ChilliJon:
Al is starting to creep me out. I have no idea what's on his hard drive but my best guess would be 15-20 years.
(8/12/2013 12:28:00 AM) - Al
Just finished a email to the Rambling brother, and watching Stossel on Fox. He is asking why in the world Title 9 is a law, if colleges wanted to add more women's sports, they would have to attract more women. More women are in band and choir, in dance, in academic clubs, but there's no laws to balance those things out. The woman he had on, a former athlete, said it's "debatable" if more women want to be in music programs and such (of course, it isn't, as the numbers are apparent), and stumbled over herself embarrassingly, giving no reason why sports are somehow magically different.
That's because they aren't, and Title 9 has devastated many men's sports (126 men's gymnastics programs then, 17 now), wrestling is often cut as well, Stossel said indoor track is actually the most cut sport, which is strange, because women participate in track as well.
Another classic Al post here which highlights why he is Life Coach To The StarsâĒ.
Asinine transparent stupidity! Why is preventing segregation a law dammit! FREE MARKETS! DERP!
Outlandish statements he portrays as fact without any shred of confirmation! You CASUALS just don't "get" it. Of course more women are in music and band and choir. Proof? I don't need no stinking proof! AND NO ONE IS DOING ANYTHING TO MAKE SURE GUYS ARE EQUALLY REPRESENTED! I bet Al asks "why isn't there a white history month?" every single February, doesn't he?
Poor persecuted old white guy syndrome! Screw the broads, where's my Men's Gymnastics!
Originally Posted by Boris:
Now that is funny!
(8/26/2013 07:49:00 PM) - Al
I vote Republican because I don't believe in a president who pays women on his staff less than men.--Amy Lutz
The truth hurts.
It's OK though, because them ladies dont's even play golf!
= = = = = = = = = = =
Not that they don't play golf, it's they can't 'cause their breastesses get in the way - Ben Wright.
Originally Posted by El-Ka-Bong:
al is kind of like my father in law. He doesn't require knowledge about a topic to talk like he has knowledge about a topic.
Let us all take a moment to give thanks that Al does not have a daughter...
(4/08/2014 11:30:00 AM) - Al
This is an issue that stems from how we look at little girls. We may tell our son how proud we are of him for his good grades, for his ability to fix computers, or how good he is at sports or skateboarding. What do we tell daughters? How lovely they look in their Easter outfit, how grown up they look in their swimsuit, and so on.
When was the last time you heard a grandma say to a little boy..."You look so cute in that suit." Never? That is correct.
Girls get attention for their looks, boys get attention for their accomplishments.
I just posted the above on Facebook, in reply to a link about why teen girls are so sexually active.
I must admit, it's pretty darn good for someone who spends an incredible amount of time comparing Jane Jetson and Betty Rubble, and wondering which one would be a better looking broad, assuming of course, they were real women and not cartoon characters.
___________________________
Yes, Al, that is really, really good. You have the daughter thing all figured out.
I flog my daughter every time she gets an A. I spend all that money on cosmetics for her, and she has time to study? Priorities!
I flog my daughter
If I were you I wouldn't look up 'flog' in the urban dictionary.
Oh, I did, but you probably shouldn't. 
Urban Dictionary: to assault somebody
WHAT?
Urban Dictionary:to masturbate. Sometimes extended to "flog the dog" or "flog the log".
NOOOO! Leave my log out of this.
IF Al had a daughter I have zero doubt she'd knock down a 74oz porterhouse with 2 sides without breaking a sweat and Big Al would be right next to her for the wall of fame pic and asking if the "I finished the widowmaker" t-shirt came in triple XL.
I guarantee you she would break a sweat. Al sweats grape Kool-Aid while standing outside of a car repair shop for a few minutes. She'd never stop sweating.
At least if she did knock out the heart-stopper, she'd be praised for her accomplishments and not her looks.
pretty sure they don't sell a porterhouse at Golden Corral or Wal Mart
there is also a bone in a porterhouse
go big or go home!
Texas Clod or nothing
(4/30/2014 06:35:00 PM) - Al
I like Wang
Don't we all, Al? Don't we all?
Wang, don't tell 'em you're Jewish, okay?
So Al comes out in favor of incest...
It should be legal, as should damn near everything, between consenting adults.
Our reaction should be to support and assist, not sit back and judge. None of our business. Worry about your own self.
________________
I think history teaches us that we should ALWAYS look to Germany to set the trend for social policy.
Three thoughts:
Germany doesn't have to do much to reclaim its hold as the darkest global ****hole of the past hundred years. They know how to move the runner along. Chalk it up to bitterness.
Als kids are probably pressing 3 bills each. His blog isn't writing itself forever.
Al needs to be on every watch list known to mankind by now.
I can maybe buy the "not sit back and judge". Maybe.
But, support and assist? WTH is that?
WTH is wrong with people?
Two things. Al is a real patriot, he retweeted this to prove it. No surprise he is following Erika Eleniak.
@erikaeleniak A prayer & THANK YOU beyond what any words can express,for the men & women who sacrificed so much for us.ïŋ―ïŋ―ïŋ―ïŋ―#MemorialDay
â erika eleniak (@erikaeleniak) May 22, 2015
Al really bringing the real Murican viewpoint on the broads this morning!
(5/22/2015 08:07:00 AM) - Al
The women complaining about compliments are all unattractive goons.--Stephen Crowder's wife
That is signature worthy, and 100% true. Normal women love to be complimented. The ones that manage to somehow be offended? Intolerable in every way.
I've never been so able to have a son as when I see the pictures of 16 year old girls "dressed" for prom.
â Rambling Al (@suitedconnect) May 3, 2015
Wait, what?
He's never been so able to have a son as when he sees pictures of 16 year olds dressed up for prom?
So, he is most erect and virile when looking at pictures of 16 year old girls? Well, that's something to admit on Twitter I guess.
*violently barfs into my laptop*
He's just reeling from the relived memories of rejection via proxy of his progeny who will also experience such rejection.
Or
The fashion choices for the rambling spud sprung from his fruit of the looms are much more varied for big girls like himself.
Or
Al is scared of vaginas.
Originally Posted by CAPackFan95:
Al really bringing the real Murican viewpoint on the broads this morning!
(5/22/2015 08:07:00 AM) - Al
The women complaining about compliments are all unattractive goons.--Stephen Crowder's wife
That is signature worthy, and 100% true. Normal women love to be complimented. The ones that manage to somehow be offended? Intolerable in every way.
I just wanted to tell you your dick looks nice today.